My Brand of Feminism

Alright, I’m going to play this game. I have been cruising the blogosphere for the last couple weeks, and I have Imagenoticed a lot of misinformation going around about “Liberal Feminists” and “Feminazis.” It seems like whenever I post a comment on someone else’s blog, especially on a more conservative-minded one, I get labelled this by someone, and then my comments are disregarded beyond that point.

Yes, I am a liberal, and yes, I am a feminist. But that doesn’t give you the right to pigeonhole me into a box that you think I fit into.

I am sure I don’t have to tell you, but this is beyond frustrating. I follow one particular conservative blog – because I am apparently into self-torture – and this issue comes up time and time again.

FYI, if you don’t like what someone is saying, it is not acceptable to give them some kind of condescending label, and then use that label to dismiss them! That in itself does NOT defeat their argument.

So, for the purposes of clearing this up, I’m going to write a small list of what feminism is for me:

  1. Women deserve the same opportunities as men.
  2. Women’s voices should be heard just as much as men’s, and given equal weight.
  3. “Women’s” work is valuable – and shouldn’t be done solely by women.
  4. Women’s equality does NOT emasculate men. Men’s insecurities do that.
  5. Women are not to be defined by their roles in relation to men.
  6. Neither being a working mother or a stay-at-home mom are more honourable than the other.
  7. Women should have the right to own her own body, it’s functions, and it capabilities.
  8. Do not define me based on how I look.
  9. Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean all I care about are “women’s” issues.

These are my first thoughts.

I wish we didn’t live in a society where being concerned about equality is seen as a fringe idea or a negative ideal. I wish we didn’t live in a society where men and women are at such odds. Why is my advancement seen as threatening to men?

The author I frequent always describes feminism as “emasculating.” So, women are supposed to just shut up and live under your heel so you don’t feel any loss of power?? That sounds like a personal problem to me, honestly. I know there are plenty of men out there who don’t feel threatened by powerful women. They, my friend, are the REAL men.

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14 Responses to My Brand of Feminism

  1. AthenaC says:

    Oh my goodness – thank you. I can tell you that there’s things you and I would disagree on, but I really hate how certain types of people must think they know all there is to know, so therefore they dismiss someone with a different perspective / set of experiences with a pejorative label. Here’s a clue: humility is a virtue for a reason, and none of us have all the answers. And maybe what worked for them doesn’t work for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. aschlady says:

    It is interesting how people get defensive in regards to feminism, sometimes acting as if they have to guard and protect their station in life. Equal rights for everybody shouldn’t threaten a person unless that person is insecure and therefore seems to require power and dominance. The community and each individual within it do not benefit from oppressing any community member(s). Equal rights for all benefits everyone. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. SayNoToFeminism says:

    So, I’ve read your comments on Matt Walsh’s blog post on the “BanBossy.”

    I’m a woman, but I agree with him, and men who agree with him, and this means that I disagree with you.

    Why? For three reasons:

    1) Because you’re exactly what Bossy means. Whiny, narcissistic, and domineering. I’m a woman, but I know a bossy woman when I see or hear one. And you’re exactly that. You and the people who organized the BanBossy have succeeded to become exactly what you try to ban. In trying to get everyone to ban this word, you’re actually being bossy.

    2) I am a woman who works and earn money. I would have preferred to stay at home and do household chores (because that’s inherently what women do), but I can’t survive without money. So, I need to work. At the workplace, I have seen women (yes, WOMEN) who discuss their sex lives in loud voices even with men around. They make dirty, sexual jokes and tease women like me (who are silent and introverted) without mercy that I should try to have sex now so I would know what it is like. I have seen my co-female workers who scream and whine annoyingly into their phones if their husband or boyfriend calls them at work to say hello. And if their husband or boyfriend won’t call, these females would keep on calling them and then demand in a screeching, whiny voice why their men have not called them. See? BOSSY. Domineering women. If their man calls, they hate them. If they won’t call, they hate them, too. BOSSY. If men (and women) call someone bossy, chances are, THEY ARE INDEED BOSSY. Because no one would call them if they aren’t. I wouldn’t do that, either. If a woman is kind to me and doesn’t screech or act like she’s pushing me around, then I wouldn’t even think of calling her bossy. So, perhaps you should re-think that these people who call women bossy are just calling them bossy because they ARE bossy. Didn’t you ever think of that?

    3) A comment from a female in that same post in Matt’s blog said, “Lol! I didn’t realize my self-esteem was so impacted by this one word. Glad BanBossy is standing up for me since I’m apparently so beat down and frail I can’t seem to muster the courage on my own.”
    —Exactly. If you’re such a champion of women empowerment, and if there are more women like you who are pro-women empowerment, why the heck would THAT ONE WORD weaken you? But then, it just speaks facts, isn’t it? Women ARE frail. Women ARE beat down. Women are cowards. If there are movements and organizations out there who COMPLAIN and BAN every word that offends you, well then, there should also be things like, “BanPussy” or “BanBitch”, or “BanWhore”, wouldn’t you say? Your comments in Matt Walsh’s blog just proves to the men around the world that ALL women are whiners, narcissistic, self-absorbed. I’m a woman, and I am not even offended by that word. If all it takes is one word to bring down women, then certainly women aren’t strong, courageous, or assertive. Women who are strong, courageous and assertive KNOW when to pick their battles. Picking out words and telling the whole world that this so and so word brings you down is NOT going to make people believe that women need to be empowered. Frankly, I’m disgusted. How come you people are offended by the word “bossy” while the newly coined term “twerking” (thanks to Miley Cyrus teaching all girls about this) isn’t? Hm?

    Like

    • AmandaM says:

      Honey, I’m sorry that you are so bitter. The BanBossy movement is not about one word. That is just the slogan, meant to represent a much large and more complicated issue involving girls. It’s not really the word, I’m sorry that you and your types missed that.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. SayNoToFeminism says:

    This second comment I am leaving on your blog are my responses to your own blog post.

    1. Women deserve the same opportunities as men.

    This is so ridiculous, it is beyond me. Women deserve the same opportunities as men? Okay, let’s see. If construction work is supposedly for most men, you mean to say that there should be EQUAL opportunities for women for this kind of job? This is one very good example of how foolish your notion is. There are job opportunities, and no one is banning women from walking up to an employer and handing their resumes to work as a construction worker. But do you know why that in this kind of job, it’s mostly men (if not, ALL MEN) who get hired? Basic biology, period. Basic human anatomy and physiology, period. If you’re smart and educated, you’d know what I’m talking about, and not let all this offend you. MEN, physiologically and biologically speaking, are DESIGNED AND MEANT for this kind of back-breaking work. That’s why men are inherently stronger in both body build and have an aggressive personality so that these will be useful in these kinds of jobs. A woman has a more delicate body build—you do not expect a woman to carry huge pails of cement or to haul off construction materials in a 50ft storey-building. Women do not deserve the same opportunities as men because they are biologically and physiologically different and if you have 50 women doing construction work, a 50ft storey building will take 50 years to be erected. The more you come to accept that there IS a difference between the sexes, the more you will have peace of mind and not let the silliest things bother you.

    2. Women’s voices should be heard just as much as men’s, and given equal weight.

    Again, you should seriously try to UNDERSTAND that men and women operate differently. Do you even have a man in the house? If you do have a husband or a man, try observing him. I have come to understand that men are different from women just by observing my own father, and how he thinks and behaves differently from my mother.

    A man DOES hear a woman. When a woman shares her feelings, he hears them. But he’s a man. Do not emasculate him by making him and fashioning him to BE a woman. If a woman says, “I feel sad”, you don’t expect your man to say, “I feel as you do” because men do not operate the same way as women do. A man will more often ask you what he can do to make you feel better instead of “feeling” what you feel. Don’t make a man into some kind of girly boy by commanding him to be exactly like you. The more you come to accept that men and women are different, the more you will have peace of mind and not be so bothered all the time.

    3. “Women’s” work is valuable – and shouldn’t be done solely by women.

    This statement is by far the most arrogant and selfish ones I’ve heard from you. Men are doing their part of the work, that is, by working his ass off so he can pay the bills and the roof you’re living under, but you’re so selfish that when he comes home from work, he NEEDS to hear you whine about how your work is valuable, so you command him to wash the dishes, too, because hey, washing dishes shouldn’t be solely done by women….wow. No wonder so many men hate women these days. And your statement has proven exactly that. A woman who is confident that she is valuable and that her work is valuable DOES NOT NEED TO ASK FOR APPROVAL EVERY DAMN DAY. And a woman who is confident about herself, values herself and her work WILL NOT SAY THAT HER WORK SHOULDN’T BE DONE SOLELY BY WOMEN. If a man does not even ask you to wash his car for him, why should YOU ask him to do your job? It’s your job (unless the man is a bachelor and doesn’t have a wife) to wash the dishes or iron clothes. Feminists are ridiculous in the sense that they have absolutely no concept of roles. They believe that everyone and everything is one giant glob of men and women with the exact same personalities, exact same jobs, exact same feelings and exact same bodies. They believe that even if you’re a man, you can morph into a woman or a woman can morph into a man without batting an eyelash. Feminists have this twisted notion that men and women are equal when they are not. If both sexes are, then women should self-impregnate and men as well. I mean, you don’t need men to be men, and women aren’t content with being women, so perhaps we should just get rid of sexual intercourse altogether and self-replicate. You know, just think you’ll be pregnant today, and wholla! You’ll see your tummy growing.

    4. Women’s equality does NOT emasculate men. Men’s insecurities do that.

    Lol. I bet any man reading Matt Walsh’s blog would say the same thing to you, and boomerang that women’s insecurities (such as being sooooooooo offended by the word “Bossy) that it traumatized their whole lives. An insecurity, clearly. If women aren’t insecure about this word, there wouldn’t be a whole website/organization dedicating to it. I don’t even see organizations by men saying, “BanCallingUsAssholes” or “BanCallingUsADick”.

    And yes, women’s equality does emasculate men. If women can do a man’s job just as perfectly or just as equally, then the workplace doesn’t need men anymore. You are emasculating them by driving them out of the workforce by putting yourselves IN THEIR PLACE.

    5. Women are not to be defined by their roles in relation to men.

    Are you insane or what? So, HOW SHOULD WOMEN BE DEFINED, THEN? This is so ridiculous even I as a woman am smacking my face with my palm. So,, if a man will propose to you, you don’t like to be called a woman because you said “women are not to be defined by their roles in relation to men.”….so you mean to say, you’re not a woman when there’s a man around, or if people define you in relation to men, but you’re a woman IF AND ONLY IF only women are around? I can make no heads or tails on this one. If a man is a father, you’re also a father (since you HATE that women are to be defined by their roles in relation to men)…yep. Really useful logic by feminists.

    6. Neither being a working mother or a stay-at-home mom are more honourable than the other.

    But I thought you said women shouldn’t be defined by their roles in relation to men. Men do exist, you know. They exist, so YES, our sex should be defined in relation to the other group. Duh.

    7. Women should have the right to own her own body, it’s functions, and it capabilities.

    Second selfish statement. And I find this really disturbing. So, women like you are offended by the term “bossy” but then you whip up this concoction that “women should have the right to her own body, its functions and its capabilities”—so it means that if a woman decides to sell herself for sex and then people call her a whore, then you shouldn’t be offended by that term because she CHOSE to be a whore, right?

    Typical feminist logic. Have you heard of the feminist groups FEMEN and Pussy Riot? I’m sure you do. Well, they practice their “right” to own her own body, functions and capabilities. So, if this is their CHOSEN (read clearly: FREE WILL/OF THEIR OWN CHOOSING) path in life, why are they offended that men treat them badly? Feminists have freely chosen to be whores, to desecrate their bodies, to scream obscenities and baring naked while protesting, desecrating Churches, etc, so it is also fair to say that men, when they call you whores and bitches—are just being honest about what they see in the behaviour these feminists are projecting. Because no man would ever call a woman whore or bitch if she’s a well-behaved, modest woman.

    8. Do not define me based on how I look.

    If that’s true, why are most women using beauty products so they can “look” better than their original look? You’re always saying “don’t define me by…..” when your behaviour is exactly that: you want people to define you exactly by that. And what about when you say, “I am liberal and a feminist”? Isn’t that saying something, defining WHO YOU ARE? Seriously, woman, speak with some sense!

    9. Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean all I care about are “women’s” issues.

    LOL. The straw that broke the camel’s back! This is so satirical! Most of your comments and this post alone have been all about Women: Women issues, women equality, women empowerment, etc etc. And then number 9 says, “Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean all I care about are “women’s issues”.

    LOL. Talk about a 360 degree turn. And I don’t believe you. If you also cared about other issues than women’s issues, you wouldn’t be so huffed up about a man like Matt Walsh who was speaking about BanBossy. But you were. You didn’t even care about some men there who were trying to communicate to you. All you care about was that girls are traumatized by being called bossy.

    You know, woman, some people don’t have food to eat, clean water to drink, a toilet to shit into, or even basic medicine for their sores and boils. But most of them survive and never have to create stupid websites like “BanBossy” so they can show the world that they are strong. Most of these people have REAL traumas in life like civil wars, being sold for child pornography, or just not having anything in life—unlike stupid, UGLY feminists like you who think that girls will be brought down so low by some silly term like “bossy”.

    What a shallow way to promote women empowerment. If banning a word is what it takes, I prefer not to be “empowered”.

    Like

    • AmandaM says:

      You’ve kind of missed the point of my post. I don’t really appreciate you putting words in my mouth, it would behoove you to actually read what I’ve written and not just assume you know what I mean based on your own biases – which was kind of the whole message I was trying to convey.
      You overemphasize the importance of strength, and the difference between men and women as a result of strength. Technology in our modern times has largely removed the necessity for brute force, and thus has been a great equaliser in the workplace.
      Another issue in our modern day…double income families. Not many families, particularly in the city, can live on one income anymore, thus most women are out working all day in addition to men. Does that still mean that after both have worked a full day, the men get to come home and put their feet up while the women continue to work? I find nothing insulting in implying that the second job of housekeeping is a job to be shared.
      A lot of your other comments I’m not going to address, because you seem to be going off on a lot of tangents that have nothing to do with what I actually said.
      I will quickly address FEMEN and Pussy Riot however. These are a protest group and a music group that highlight and protest women’s struggles. They are not protesting their personal treatment by men as a result of their protests, actually they own that quite well, so again, not sure where you’re trying to go with that one.

      Liked by 1 person

      • SayNoToFeminism says:

        “You’ve kind of missed the point of my post. I don’t really appreciate you putting words in my mouth…”

        Woman, I have read blog after blog after blog from feminists who have the same mantra as you. You all have the typical reaction of putting a lot of things in your blogs, but when someone points out your fallacies, you turn things around, twist it so far back so that it would come out that you’re innocent of anything, and we are the bad guys. Not buying it. I have never once thought of buying into your “subculture”, all this lesbianism, feminism, gay agenda…twisting things to become what they are not, defying nature, tradition and morality. Heck, you can call me bitter all you want, but better to be bitter and say the hard truths, than to establish a new world where every female is going to morph themselves into males, and every male is going to morph themselves into females. What are you? Aliens?

        “…Does that still mean that after both have worked a full day, the men get to come home and put their feet up while the women continue to work? I find nothing insulting in implying that the second job of housekeeping is a job to be shared.”

        From your statements alone, I can tell you that you do not love men, your husband or boyfriend, or any man for that matter. You are a selfish bitch who has to COUNT work, and not willingly do it because you LOVE your partner. You do not love housework, you do not honour yourself, your husband or your children because you always COUNT what it is you can do for them. It’s like, there’s no glory and honour in doing things FOR them. You just grumble and grumble because you think YOU deserve EQUAL rest. You believe that because a husband can come home, he should not rest IF YOU WON’T. Selfish bitch that you are. You are not fit to be a wife, let alone a mother. And so what if a husband comes home and wants to rest while you SERVE him dinner? To you, that is a form of slavery, and not an honourable thing to serve your husband? And if you really do not want service, why are you even a mother, when motherhood is a very hard task to do that requires something you wouldn’t understand? Like, oh….self-sacrifice. That means putting your children FIRST and your husband FIRST before yourself. You’re not in this alone anymore. You’re not a bachelor. You’re not a virgin. You’re a woman with KIDS. Whom you have to serve dinner, wash their clothes and keep the house clean. If a feminist like you are so intent on serving YOURSELF, then perhaps you shouldn’t have gotten yourself pregnant or had sex with a man. A man is wasting his sperm on selfish women like you.

        Like

  5. AmandaM says:

    SayNoToFeminism:
    If you can have a discussion about this without calling me a bitch, then I’d like to hear it. Otherwise, go work on your reading comprehension so you actually understand what I’ve written.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “SayNoToFeminism”

    Huh.

    I, for one, am saying “thanks” to feminism for helping to create a world where I can:

    1) vote
    2) divorce an abusive husband
    3) have a good career so I can feed / clothe / shelter my kids after divorce

    But whatevs. That’s just me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • SayNoToFeminism says:

      1) Voting has done more harm to womanhood that it did some good. It led women out of their homes, and into the streets, leaving their children and their homes behind. You might say that you have an “equal” right to vote. But, women like you don’t seem to trust your men to make a change with THEIR votes. Why do you need to be out there like them, when you are MOST NEEDED in the home to care for your kids and do housework? These are the NATURAL roles of women. Are these things so degrading for you that you can’t be counted on to just do your part? Everything in this world is not equal. In the animal world, the lion is NOT equal to the gazelle. The lion is predator, the gazelle is prey. Everything has its place and role in the world, same as man and woman. The man works so he can have money to pay for the bills while his wife takes care of their children. Why is that so hard to understand amongst feminists? And it’s ironic…the term you use: feminist. Yet you HATE the very thing that makes you feminine. Feminism should be about fighting for women to BE women. That is, accepting who you are, that we aren’t equal to men, that we should be celebrating that difference. But no, you absolutely hate inequality, you probably want to grow a penis, too, so you’d be equal to men.

      2) If you’re going to enter the sacrament of marriage with the thought that you have an option to divorce your man, you might as well not get married. And if you have an abusive husband, that’s not his fault. You should have known beforehand that he has this kind of personality before you wed him. Marriage is supposed to be a bond that lasts “til death do you part”, not part at the slightest offense or mistake.

      3) You won’t have to. Let your husband do his part. And they’re not just “your” kids. They are his, too. The worst thing about “feminism” is that you love your children, but you don’t acknowledge that they are as much as the man’s as they are yours. Without the man’s sperm, you wouldn’t get pregnant, think about that. All this talk of divorce? It affects the men more than the women—women get everything: custody of the children, property, house, car, almost everything. Yet you think men are selfish assholes when it is the woman who breaks down men.

      Like

      • “But, women like you don’t seem to trust your men to make a change with THEIR votes.”

        You do realize, don’t you, that men DID make a change with their votes. That change is called the 19th Amendment.

        “And if you have an abusive husband, that’s not his fault.”

        Wow. This just keeps getting better and better. I’m going to let you think about what you said here. You just said that a man does not have free will and is merely a product of his environment. There’s a word for that: animal.

        “women get everything: custody of the children, property, house, car, almost everything.”

        Try again. He got everything and walked away from the children. I got the children and rebuilt our lives with my (at the time) fledgling career.

        ‘Yet you think men are selfish assholes”

        No. I think my ex-husband is a “selfish asshole” and I have the police reports to prove it. My husband is a wonderful man and we have a happy, loving home.

        Like

  7. DGStieber says:

    Great Post, AmandaM. It saddens and confuses me to see folks like SayNoToFeminism come out with such an aggressive and hostile tone, when the feminism you describe seeks to empower both of you (as well as all other women) to live the kinds of lives that they value.

    Like

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